Resolute Despondency (aka Ryan’s Poem … haha)

Part of a poetry portfolio for fall 2008:

Resolute Despondency
I want something more;
a life of joy.
I am not a toy,
not the dirt you seek at the Rouge (1),
not the used that live in subterfuge,
in the Hell that we deplore.
I lived from dream to dream.
Behind  screen,
I sat serene,
watched the film come alive,
saw pictures that made me dive
into reveries with broken seams.
I made a quilt of tears.
It inhabits my bed
and rips me to shreds.
There are no patches to repair all 
the holes in me that make me fall.
I sleep besides my fears.
I once had the chills.
Your breath against my skin
sent every fiber within
into a burning blaze of ice.
Nothing else would suffice.
And now this blazing cold kills.
I play a charade,
with a simper or a grin,
and wait for life to re-begin.
It’s decided that for a while
the outside will flaunt a smile;
A paper face on parade (2).
I want nothing more
than a day of joy.
To be coy
like the courtesans of the Rouge,
that, with a skillful subterfuge,
get Heaven to open its door.
(1) Reference to Moulin Rouge
(2) Lyric from the song “Masquerade” from “The Phantom of the Opera”
Created: 18 September 2008
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May 30, 2009. Uncategorized.

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